I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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