You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
