ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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