My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
