Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
