Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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