just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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