Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
did i just pee glitter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
