I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
