She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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