I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
