i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
where am i from again
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
