Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
