god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
