Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She announced her abortion via fbk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
