one two three fourrrrnication!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
