He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
