I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
