So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
