Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
