i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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