If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
