Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
