honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand Curling. That high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize