I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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