"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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