I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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