and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize