They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
