Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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