Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
