Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize