I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
