Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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