If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
