Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
