It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
