In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
