His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize