I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
