he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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