Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
