I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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