I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
