i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
