We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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