I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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