The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
