at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
