Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
