Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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