Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
