My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize