I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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