So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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