just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
