Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
