At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
