Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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