was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
