dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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