i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
