So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pants are for mortals
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
