apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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