u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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