I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
