never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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