I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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