Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
