remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
