ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i love accidental penises.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
