I can tuck mytits in my pants
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
