Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
